What happened to my child?
Things were much easier when they were little – you miss those times. Their friends were your friends’ kids, and playdates were as social for you as they were for them. You miss doing things together like getting ice cream, going to the park, or watching cartoons, and the simplest things that you did together made them smile.
Now, they barely talk to you when they get home from school, and they seem to have struggles. The two of you don’t see eye to eye anymore. They think you don’t know anything! You seem always to say the wrong thing, and no matter what you say, they give you an attitude.
They are always in their room, causing you to worry about them. What is your teen not willing to tell you? Are they anxious or depressed? You can’t help but fear the worst. (Are they having thoughts of self-harm or suicide?)
You wish they would open up to you, but they won’t.
Being a teen today is challenging!
During the mysterious teenage years, the brain and body grow and develop in important and sometimes challenging ways. With that growth comes intensified emotions and moods as they test boundaries, take risks, and explore deeper connected relationships. Exploring their beliefs and values often causes them to push for more and more independence, often before their parents are ready.
Then, add non-stop access to the world at their fingertips and the pressures of social media. Picture-perfect posts create relentless social anxiety. Everybody else has THE life, more friends, and seems so happy. There’s the worry of someone catching your teen doing something stupid, going viral on the Internet.
Will they do something online that they can’t erase, which will follow them for years? But everything from school, church, work, and social events are linked online. There’s no “down-time” in today’s technology-driven world.
The quality of their relationships and how much time they spend on their phone or video games cause you to worry. Demanding them to unplug and join the family feels pointless. They sit there, expressing annoyance and disconnection.
Teens want to talk to someone.
Finding a therapist for them seemed like a good idea, but you weren’t sure if they would agree to go. So, you were happy when they asked to talk to someone.
They need a safe place to talk about life and be vulnerable, and you want them to learn coping skills for all that life may throw at them in the years to come.
Being carefree and happier is what you want them to experience. You want your teen to dream big and succeed.
Seeking therapy is the best next step for them, and you feel hopeful.
What does talking with me look like to a teen?
At our first appointment, I meet with the teen and their parent(s) or guardian(s) to gather important information about the teen and family, understand current concerns, and explore their goals for therapy.
Therapy goals guide parental involvement after the first session but always with the teen’s consent. While I can provide a general sense of how therapy is going, I keep confidential the details of their sessions. However, if there are any safety concerns, I will contact the parents immediately.
My relationship with your teen is the center of the therapeutic process. Building trust and forming a secure relationship is the foundation of any work we will do. Developing a trustful relationship may take time!
Some teens come to therapy eager to open up and get to work quickly. Other teens may be willing to go to therapy but stay guarded until they feel safe to talk about the hard stuff. We honor their goals and the pace they set as we work together.
Parents, help your teen overcome the challenges.
Don’t worry – your child is still there. Their challenges as a teen are different, but they still need their parents.
Parents want to know how they can help. I often encourage family sessions to discuss concerns with your teen, strengthen relationships, or identify helpful parental techniques.
Taking a team approach, I may ask parents/guardians to consider offering their teen an incentive for facing fears or modifying behaviors, try a new response to their teen’s behaviors, read a book, or listen to a podcast. If a teen refuses to come to therapy, I can work with the parents/guardians themselves on how to best support their teen until they are ready.
If you have a teen who needs support, don’t wait until things worsen. Call me today!